By Suzanna Kennedy
Do you suffer from “Busy-itis”: inflammation of the busy bone? Did you ever notice that the word business could also be pronounced busy-ness?
All joking aside, this busy-ness creates stress, overwhelm and exhaustion. Your focus and energy is scattered in too many directions, so productivity, quality and effectiveness suffer in all areas of your life. You may feel a failure at everything: work, family, friends and self-care.
The underlying cause is hidden in your subconscious mind, which holds the beliefs and behavioral programming you inherited in your first seven, formative years.
Here are the five most common subconscious beliefs that cause busyitis are:
- Viewing Busyitis As a Positive Quality
- Fear of Abandonment
- Lack of Healthy Boundaries
- Fear of the Unknown
- No clarity of purpose
Let’s break them down.
Viewing Busyitis As A Positive Quality
Melissa’s parents both had busy-itis, so she got the busy bug from them. She was told that they had important, valuable work to do. They never took time to play with her and missed most of her school activities. On the rare family vacations, they spent most of the time on the phone or cut vacations short for work emergencies.
As an adult, Melissa calls herself a “workaholic” and the stress is beginning to affect her health. She says she wants to find a partner, but her work schedule doesn’t allow for a social or dating life.
We identified the subconscious belief: I’m busy working = I AM important and valuable. We deleted that false belief. And then she was finally able to recognize that her true value is intrinsic to all human BEINGS and does not come from DOING.
Trish’s parents were affluent socialites. They kept too busy to be with her because they were going to parties and charity events. From them, she developed the subconscious belief that busy = popular = accepted and loved.
She became the “party girl” and inherited their busyitis, but not their money. She’s been fired from numerous jobs because she’s been too busy partying to get to work on time or get her job done. After clearing her subconscious beliefs, she was able to easily address her substance abuse issue. She found a job that was fulfilling, which she is still enjoying three years later.
Debbie’s subconscious belief was that if she wasn’t busy being productive she wasn’t valuable. She projected this belief on to her husband by criticizing him for not “doing anything” right after dinner. He argued that he needed a little time to relax since he just worked 9 hours doing hard labor at a construction job.
This ongoing argument eventually led to divorce. More recently she was diagnosed with Grave’s Disease, an over-active thyroid. Coincidence?
If you have busy-itis, you may avoid quiet moments, time with your loved ones and vacations because if you are NOT BUSY, you are NOT important, valuable, productive or popular.
Fear of Abandonment
The fear of abandonment is a core issue for all humans. It’s THIS FEAR that causes us to surrender our authenticity for conformity. We manifest this fear in many different ways in our lives and relationships.
In regards to time management, it is the fear of abandonment that causes you to say “yes” when you really want to say “no”. You may be afraid if you are “not nice” or if you don’t volunteer to help, rescue or fix it, then you won’t be accepted, approved of or loved. Do you except responsibilities that don’t belong to you, leaving little time to attend to your own?
Yesterday, one of my clients, Amy, celebrated uncovering a subconscious belief that was undercutting her time management efforts. Amy shared that she found herself stuck in a conversation with a woman she didn’t enjoy or feel aligned with. On top of that, the woman started the conversation just as Amy was getting ready to go to lunch. Instead of excusing herself, Amy endured it for three hours.
She finally excused herself when her blood sugar started to crash. Later, with some self-reflection, Amy uncovered a subconscious belief that other people’s thoughts and emotions were more important than hers. She believed she had to be careful not to hurt other peoples’ feelings or they would reject or abandon her.
You can easily recognize subconscious programs, because they don’t make sense when you look at the situation rationally. Why would she be afraid of abandonment with a woman she didn’t want to be around anyway?
As children we depend on our parents for survival. And it’s easy to see how pleasing them becomes our prime directive. It also explains the next common reason for Busyitis.
Lack of Healthy Boundaries
Our parents do the best they can, given their own false subconscious beliefs, to take care of us and prepare us to survive and fit into society. Did you receive messages that were contradictory to your own thoughts, feelings and body wisdom?
My mother, God bless her soul, used to say, “I’m cold. Put on your sweater.” “You can’t be hungry now, you just ate an hour ago.” Or “You must be hungry, you didn’t touch your lunch.” “Go to bed” when I wasn’t tired. “Get up” when I was. “Go give your uncle a hug.” Even though he always grabbed me in “naughty places.”
And remember, “Don’t talk back”? These little things add up and we follow orders because, if we don’t, we fear punishment or abandonment. We don’t learn how to distinguish our own personal mental, emotional and physical boundaries from those of our parents.
We carry these subconscious patterns into adulthood and don’t know how to set or defend healthy boundaries. But even though our minds don’t know how, our emotional bodies subconsciously register every boundary violation.
Anger is triggered when boundaries are violated. Were you allowed to express anger as a child? What happened if you did? By the time I was 17 years old, my hidden and suppressed anger caused irritable bowel syndrome. At 19, I married a man who released his suppressed anger in passive-aggressive ways.
When my client, Jennifer, released her subconscious relationship programming, she was able to speak her truth, from her heart with respect and compassion. She found that most people appreciated her honesty and respected her decision. She said, “The energy vampires who were always asking for favors, went away. Good riddance. Now I have more time for the new friends I’m attracting. They treat me with respect and I’m having fun.”
Fear of the Unknown
Another time zapper is fear of the unknown, which can be disguised in surprising ways. Janice just received her 360-degree performance review and her employees complained of her control issues, critical nature and micro-management style. The late nights, weekends and no vacation time were taking their toll on her health. She was afraid she was about to loose the high-level management job she worked so hard for.
She discovered that she inherited the super-critical and untrusting nature from her father. And her mother contributed the subconscious belief, “if you want something done right, do it yourself.”
Within days after releasing these patterns and beliefs, she was able to relax and trust her employees more. Her perception shifted and instead of finding fault everywhere, she started finding and complimenting others on their work and little successes.
Her employees seemed genuinely surprised by the change, yet the responded by taking more initiative. The workplace morale improved, along with productivity. And Janice finally took a vacation. In fact, she decided to treat herself to a private retreat here with me in Hawaii. I love when that happens.
Lack of Purpose
This time zapper often disguises itself as, “I lack organization skills”. But deeply buried is the true cause. Melissa said she felt “a sense of emptiness inside.” She was trying to fill it with work projects, hobbies and social events. Yet nothing was filling the void in a satisfying way. Her time, energy and resources were scattered and she didn’t have enough time to devote to any of them. This left her feeling like a failure at all of them.
We discovered that the projects and activities that she pursued were extensions of what her parents were involved in when she was growing up. So she was staying in the “comfort zone” and subconsciously engaging in activities for her parents’ approval.
When she cleared her subconscious programming, Melissa was able to get clear on what brought her joy and discovered her soul purpose.
In summary, the cause for Busyitis lies in your subconscious beliefs and programming.
The cure for busy-itis is deprogramming your subconscious beliefs, patterns and neutralizing your unexpressed negative emotions. This cure also allows you discover who you really are and what you are really here to do.
Imagine how good it will feel to confidently be your true self, speak your truth, expand your comfort zone and fulfill your soul purpose.
If you’d like to learn more about how you can deprogram your subconscious mind, I’d be happy to tell you about my Consciousness Technology.
♥♥♥Schedule a complimentary call to explore what this could mean for you.♥♥♥